18-Year-Old Tries To File Her Taxes Wishing Her Teachers Had Spent Less Class Time On Polyqueer Trans Theory

PORTLAND, OR—Olivia Hannah Jones, 18, had to file her taxes for the first time this year. As she frantically tried to navigate the obtuse IRS website and fill out the unfriendly forms needed for the little income she earned as a graphic designer last summer, Jones whispered to herself that she wished really that his teachers spent less time on polyqueer trans theory and more time on how to fill out a 1099 form.

“1099-MISC?” What is that ? she muttered, trying to rack her brains for any trace of teaching she had received in school that had covered this, but only remembering gender struggle sessions, critical theory of race and several hours of drag queen stories at the local library. “I really liked my math teacher Mx. Ryder, but I wish they’d spent at least an hour or two on how to file your taxes. Their night out in our fifth-grade class was at the both breathtaking and courageous, but that certainly doesn’t help me determine what deductions I’m entitled to here.”

Jones dug up his old notes from his high school economics class, but found only page after page on critical gender theory and a section on the systemic oppression of evil, colonizing arithmetic and its triggering effects on polygender people who bleed.

She sighed and rubbed her head.

“Well, at least I can get into Harvard.”


Mandy is absolutely fired up by Elon Musk’s possible takeover of Twitter. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.


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