Opinion: Masters get hip, barbecue boss Ooltewah, mullet money maker, obituaries

Want to know the importance of finding new fans?

Well, even the Masters step out of their comfort zone.

If you’re not aware of Dude Perfect, the collection of sportsmen and pranksters causing an internet sensation, then you probably don’t have a teenage son. And that’s OK. (Side note: And by “internet sensations,” I mean 57 million YouTube subscribers, which probably generates enough money for the perfect Dude Perfects to afford Augusta National dues.)

But you want to know something new about Augusta National? He’s ready to team up with the guys from Dude Perfect and have them throw soccer balls to the holes at Amen Corner. — and do it with Bryson DeChambeau — and use croquet mallets and hockey sticks as putters in an effort to bring golf to different audiences.

That’s more than smart for a game like golf, which has a fan base with the median age of an Alexian sock-hop.

It’s absolutely perfect, man.

An A in BBQ

Steve Ray is as much a staple in Ooltewah as the Summit or the long queue at Chick-fil-A.

On Thursday, Ray, the owner of Owl’s Nest BBQ and Steve Ray’s Midnite Oil Service & Tire Direct, visited Ooltewah High to help Steve Knofpke’s cooking class get hands-on BBQ lessons, and they went nuts.

Literally.

After preparing all the pork, Ooltewah senior Madison Burlingham took night watch for the 5 p.m. cook.

“Under Madison’s direction, the pork went perfectly, and some OHS staff and students received a pre-Spring Break shipment of the ultimate BBQ dish Friday for lunch,” Ray wrote in an email on Friday.

Gang, these are life lessons.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

If you’re looking for a side hustle, this one is hair-raising to say the least.

People from rooftopsquad.com male grooming site looking to hire someone who will grow and keep a mule for 12 months to see how people treat mule men.

Apparently, the site “wants to hire the future ‘Mullet Master’ to develop the iconic ’80s hairstyle” to see if “mulet discrimination” is prevalent in 2022.

Hair discrimination? OKAY. But I guess it should be in adults. Mules are as common among boys around school campuses as athletic shorts and hoodies.

But, as the site notes in its press release, “Mule discrimination is nothing new either. Iran banned the style in 2010 and venues in Australia have been accused of ‘mule discrimination.’ .

“The lucky contestant will be asked to shave their head and grow a mullet, documenting their experience along the way. In exchange for their makeover, the contestant will be offered a $12,000 payment and a $5,000 bonus if he decides to keep their mule after the study period.”

Candidates must be 18 years old; the search ends in the middle of this month.

And you can tell your friends that you donate your scalp to science. And pay homage to Billy Ray Cyrus.

Obituaries

Numbers in obituaries often catch my eye.

There’s been the long and 102 productive years of Anne Roberts, who died late last month. She was a longtime accountant at the Howard School, her alma mater.

Beyond years, the number of family members can also be indicative of the scope of someone’s time on Earth.

Take Jeannette Hall, who, like Roberts, also died on March 30 and had six siblings. But that was just the beginning of his family tree.

She had 10 children, 28 grandchildren, 60 great-grandchildren and six great-great-grandchildren. Yes, the matriarch of a line of over 100.

May they keep fond memories of her.

Contact Jay Greeson at [email protected] or 423-757-6273. Follow him on Twitter @jgreesontfp.

Staff Photo/Jay Greeson